Dads, one of the strongest changes you can make in your life is to reduce your reliance on anyone else. Increase your independence. Your wife and children need to look at you and see the rock and leader of the family. If something needs to get done or an ass needs to get kicked, you are the man.
Never be Reliant on Any one Person
My friend grew up in a house where his mom was stay at home and the dad worked long hours. The table was always set with a hot meal for when his dad came home. The dad never took the time to learn how to cook outside of his ability to barbecue steak.
A few years ago, the mom contracted cancer and passed away. It happened quite quickly and the family was stunned. This left a 53 year old man, who barely prepared any type of food his entire life to fend for himself. He has always relied on his mother and wife. The children helped but they couldn’t stay with him forever. He was reluctant to even learn the basics from them.
The father has ended up eating a lot of restaurant food/prepackaged meals and his health has noticeably suffered because of it. He no longer has the energy he once did and has packed on nearly 35 pounds. Of course some of this is attributable to the passing of his wife however much of it has to do with not being prepared to take care of himself.
This story is not unusual, many dads become reliant on someone else for a variety of things. The issue arises when that reliance overtakes your ability to completely perform the task.
Delegate or Man Up and Get Shit Done?
Delegation is one of the strengths of any manager. The ability to delegate work to a subordinate will release you to be able to perform higher valued tasks. Many managers/entrepreneurs struggle with this as they feel they are the only ones who can get the task completed and correctly. The minute you delegate a task you lose some of your ability to complete that task. The key is to not lose your ability completely.
The subject of reliance on an outside person or delegation of certain tasks can come up in any home. The delegation could be a mechanic to change a car’s oil or a carpenter to finish off the basement or a plumber to unclog your kid flushing a GI Joe down the toilet. Every Dad should have a basic understanding of each of these three things mentioned above. Even an office accountant such as myself can complete these tasks.
Is it easier to delegate? Of course it is. A Mechanic, Carpenter and Plumber are usually pretty masculine men, do you want them showing you up in front of your wife and children. You may get a lay from your wife but she is thinking of the masculine man.
Or you can take the opportunity to learn something new. I found a Black and Decker Home Repair Book (nearly 300 different projects) on a Discount Book site for only $3. My wife doesn’t have to know how things are getting done around the house just that they are getting done. No wife wants a lazy husband, while things around the house are in disrepair and having to call someone else in to finish. This is not how you lead your family. This same book is at my local library for free.
Why does Independence matter?
Dads, live your life in a way that if something were to happen in your marriage through breakdown or death that you will be fine. The ability to show independence will both develop your confidence and have your wife understand who the leader in the marriage is. No woman wants to feel that she has to lead the family. If she isn’t getting that from you, she will look for it other places.
You don’t have to be a world class chef, an exquisite carpenter or plumb a whole house but having the basic knowledge to survive and flex some masculine muscle will have your wife swooning.
Learning of a new area (continuous personal development) will also open up conversational opportunities with people who excel in those areas. President Roosevelt used to learn of the hobbies or trades of individuals the night before he met with them, this give him the opportunity to discuss with that person a subject that interests them and not the President. He even went as far to learn about the Rodeo prior to meeting with an oil big wig who also happened to be a Cowboy.
One of my wife’s friend’s husband is a chef. A pothead, childless chef that lives and breathes Philadelphia sports teams. We have absolutely nothing in common. When the four of us meetup, it usually is pretty quiet for the men. Until one day, I did something about it. I borrowed a book from the library about unique plants that can be utilized in the cooking process. It served a dual purpose. While giving me the knowledge that allowed us to have a conversation if I were to ever be dropped in the bush alone, my ability to achieve food is greater.
Harness your Independence, Become More Desirable
Do not become independent to the point where you are out of the house 16 hours a day. Your responsibility is a Dad and a Leader for your wife. It is your job to lead your family not leave. Your family is not a burden.
Showing independence and non-reliance on your wife will show that you can get by just fine without her. How will she react? She will take the steps necessary to ensure that you remain in her life as you are the masculine man she desires.
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