Ingrained in us from the time we were children, is something that is called a covert contract.
A covert contract is an unwritten agreement that you believe you have with your spouse, friend or a coworker; the only issue is that the other person has no idea that a contract is in place.
Dads learned from a young age that when we complete certain feats we were rewarded. Putting away our toys – we were given a good job, eating all of our food – we would get dessert or if we listened to what we were told – we didn’t get yelled at. The majority of the time the person that was offering these rewards was female. From our moms who usually spent more time with us or the disproportionate amount of female teachers we had in our early grades, we knew that if we pleased those female authorities we were rewarded. Being rewarded by females for a job well done was ingrained to us from a young age.
Fast forward to today, many of us Dads and men (I know I was definitely one) have taken that ingrained thought pattern with us. We believe that if we put away our dishes, don’t piss our spouses off or even do the laundry that we expect that we will get something in return. Whether it be going out with the boys, golfing or even having porn star sex, men believe that doing these items will be exchanged for our fantasies.
The only problem is that the person we are dealing with does not know that they have made this agreement. We make these agreements without anyone knowing that there is an agreement and we usually get frustrated with the favour is not returned.
I would say the breaking covert contracts is an easy fix, but it isn’t. Breaking a life long habit is quite difficult. Start small. Put your dirty laundry away, put your cup in the dishwasher and walk away. Don’t wait for words of praise, don’t stare at your spouse to see if she just noticed, just do the deed and go along with your day. It is a start but the goal eventually is to do those bigger jobs with no expectation for returns. We will do them because we are men and we get shit done.
A central theme around here, the less you worry about what other people think of you the further ahead you are going to be.
Breaking those covert contracts will help you in many facets of your life, you will be less a people (female) pleaser and start to take things rather than hope that because you did this that you will in turn get that.
Dads and men take control of the situation and get things done. You will start to notice that when this tide turns, those other people will take notice and do things to get your attention. Which may eventually turn into Porn star sex, I mean if that is your thing.